i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
handjob tips. give me some.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
