Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
