i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
