Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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