She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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