I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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