I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
