I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
