i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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