ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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