sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
