Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
