I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
