ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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