He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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