Already got asked if we're dating
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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