Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
