Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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