She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
