Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ttyl tear gas
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
