I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
