I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
