obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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