I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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