Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
