When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
