does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she smelled like a LAN party
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
