i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
