She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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