Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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