Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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