what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Michael Bay diarrhea
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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