he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
