You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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