Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
