just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
