I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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