i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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