So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
