It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
