the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
