How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
