You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
