Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
