So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
