whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She even gives head with a lisp.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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