Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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