he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
