Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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