please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
