she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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