Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
