guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
